1.A warm and accepting environment- Give spontaneous hugs and warm feelings frequently for no particular reason. Send the message "I love you" over and over by your words and actions. There can never be too much of this. This is especially important when a child misbehaves- parents must be careful not to withdraw their love. They must demonstrate their love is unconditional by firmly and calmly addressing the behavior they don't approve of and not the child as a person. Optimism is the cornerstone. The glass is half full rather than half empty. Focus on the strenghts of your children (compliment them) rather than their weaknesses. Speak positively about others.
2. Set limits on your child's behavior. What are the rules of the house? What is expected from each member of the family? What are the consequences for breaking the rules? Are these communicated to the children so they know what is expected of them?
3. Promote self esteem. Give approval and attention at every opportunity.Encouragement and kind words motivate children to cooperate and meet challenges head on. When children hear their parents talking positively about them, they feel special. Self esteem is fostered when parents praise them . Any strengths and accomplishments should be recognized. Put-downs, sarcasm and ridicule have no place in the home for raising healthy children. Give children tasks and chores that are a bit challenging but designed so they can be successful. Self confidence increases with each successful experience.
4. Encourage open communication and the expression of feelings. Children learn from watching Mom and Dad that all feelings are okay. They learn that feelings are expressed with words and not acted on. Anger, sadness, joy, jealousy...are accepted and discussed openly. When we inquire about children's feelings and listen carefully, we send a message that they are special to us. Staying calm when children scream, cry or panic makes children feel safe and optimistic that these feelings will go away. Criticizing, denying or blaming children for feeling anxious or upset will only close down communication channels.
5. Model and teach social skills. Children learn to be assertive. Show and teach them early on to ask for what they want, say no and stand up for themselves. Parents should model an effective problem solving approach...and problem solve outloud: state the issue (problem); think about all the posssible solutions, evaluate the solutions; choose the best solution and act on it. Teach children that conflict is a natural part of life and its okay to disagree. Show them that what is important is how they solve the conflict; use their words and not hands; share, take turns etc.
Children learn friendship skills by watching their parents interact with friends. Its important to begin exposing children to other children in play situations so they learn how to get along with others.
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